What the f*ck would be on The News if Brexit wasn’t happening?

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The nation is rightly wondering what would actually be on The News if Brexit wasn’t happening, and are those other news items still going on in the world?  

Newsreader, Peter Thape has suggested that the whole Brexit nonsense has just been a convenient way of padding out The Ten O’clock News, which would otherwise only be three minutes long?

Thape believes that no News has actually happened anywhere for ages, with people just keeping their heads down, working hard, and saving up for Christmas.

‘Yeah, Brexit’s kept me in a job,’ admitted Thape.

‘And the politicians! They’d have shit-all to talk about, if it wasn’t for Brexit,’ added Thape.