Will the fat, absent, dictator return to work today?

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Will Boris Johnson return to work today, or will the doubters be proved right…when he phones in sick?

Boris was heard practising his best sore throat voice last night for his phone call into Party Leader, Dominic Cummings.

Boris told Cutting News that his local GP had refused an extension to his sick note so he may be forced into the classic Monday morning croaky voice phone call.

‘No one wants to go in after 4 weeks off,’ said Boris.

‘I’ll just get on with privatizing the NHS, then I’ll feel better,’ he added.