All crucifixions cancelled with B & Q being closed for virus

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Those people looking for a Good Friday crucifixion will be disappointed this year, with timber yards around the country closed by the ongoing virus.

The leading character from The Bible, Jesus, would have found his own crucifixion difficult to achieve in the current era.

Jesus told Cutting News that he was fortunate to have got his own execution sorted out before the furloughing of B and Q’s staff.

‘It’s not just the wood, there’s all the fixings to staple the cross together,’ said Jesus.

‘Plus, you need foundations to keep it upright, sand, cement etc – you couldn’t do it today- I was one of the lucky ones,’ he added.