And Jesus said unto his followers…‘At Easter time, ye shall all go to Wickes.’

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Jesus, one of the leading characters from the bible, has asked that mankind uses the Easter holidays to kick-start all DIY, and small garden projects.

The Saviour of all mankind had previously asked that people respect this weekend as a holy time, but has more recently accepted that Easter is truly about getting the decking down.

Jesus has pointed out that the cross was made of a good hardwood, and recommends that you pay the extra for the premium decking, rather than go for the cheap stuff.

‘I like the look of the composite decking, but it’s mental money,’ said Jesus.

‘Still, if you can afford it – I say go for it. We don’t live forever…except me,’ added Jesus.