God in favour of pew jumping

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God, one of the leading characters in the bible, has come out strongly in favour of going to church with your children in order to gain access to higher achieving ‘faith’ schools.

The Almighty has been reacting to the numerous complaints aimed at Ofsted from those non-religious parents whose children attend lesser achieving state comprehensives. God, whose own son failed to get any GCSE’s, points out that his son (Jesus) still went on to have a good career as a saviour of Mankind. The world creator adds that the key to self-interest lies in the power to pretend.

‘Believing in me is all about pretending, so go knock yourself out, just pretend I exist until your kids get into a good school,’ said The Lord.

‘On reflection I should probably have sent Jesus to a Jewish school. He probably would have done better there,’ added The Lord.