Jesus Christ, one of the leading characters in The Bible, has advised everyone to get stuck into Christmas now that The Election is over.
Jesus told Cutting News that he would have voted Tory anyway, because of all the stuff his Jewish friends had put on Facebook.
Plus, the Conservative mantra of looking after oneself, whilst fucking everyone else over is the right thing to do.
‘Oh wait, that last bit isn’t right,’ said Jesus.
‘Never mind, it’s done now – let’s fuckin’ party,’ said The Lord Himself.