Bastard cookery programmes mean that children are making Eggs Benedict for Mother’s Day breakfast

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Children around the country are the latest victims of 1000 bastard cookery programmes on the TV, as they struggle to get the hollandaise sauce right on their Mother’s Day breakfasts.

Dad, Peter Thape has had to buy the ingredients and supervise his children’s attempt to create Eggs Benedict for his wife, a person that Thape points out…is not actually his mother.

Thape reflected on his own childhood, when a piece of toast, not always grilled on both sides, was deemed a sufficient wake-up for his grateful mum.

‘The kids can’t get the hollandaise sauce right. None of us know what we’re shittin’ doing,’ said Thape.

‘I asked the guy, yesterday in Aldi, if they have hollandaise sauce. He looked at me like I was a right cock,’ added Thape.