Children prepare for another disappointing Halloween Swizzles hand-out


Children everywhere will be setting off this evening in the hope of a chocolate fest, but will sadly be returning home with a bucket of Swizzles Matlow nonsense.  

Little Bobby Thape (6) remembers last year’s haul which started promisingly with a fun sized bag of Maltesers, but ended with an abundance of Love Hearts, Drumsticks and the small acidic tablets, Fizzers.

Little Bobby is hoping to avoid the smug households that have a purpose bought giant tub of Swizzles ready for hopeful young children like himself.

‘Cheap bastards; they might as well give us fucking fruit,’ said Little Bobby.

‘I don’t know what Swizzles put in their sweets, but they’re no good for my hiatus hernia,’ added Little Bobby.