Cinema to offer more extensive food range

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Cinemas are to capitalise on people’s overwhelming hunger by installing infant high-chair style seating, with a full a la carte menu.

From January, leading multiplex theatres will re-fit cinema seats to include a wraparound wipe-easy table that can accommodate a fully loaded plate, cutlery, and a gravy boat. Cinema manager, Peter Thape has acknowledged the astonishing hunger of his patrons when visiting the cinema, and will shortly be offering beef wellington, liver and onions, and half a roast chicken with seasonal vegetables.

‘There used to be a time when humans could last two hours without food,’ said Thape.

‘This new menu should solve the constant problem of crinkling sweet wrappers throughout the film,’ added Thape.