Clampdown on people without a beard

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The trend in beard ownership will be extending to infants and all women from January. 

The police are actively seeking out any existing males who do not have some form of facial hair affectation.

From the New Year, checkpoints will be set up across the country, where any beardless toddlers or women can be handed in for retraining.

‘The first job of a government is to protect its people, and those without a beard in today’s society look ridiculous,’ said Minister for Hirsute Development, Peter Thape.

‘Not everyone will have to have a beard. Old ladies in care homes will be exempt,’ added Thape.