Cows have reacted strongly to the news that they will hardly be needed in the month of January.
Many cows have spent much of the festive period making parts of their body thoroughly delicious in expectation of a busy opening to 2019.
But a fashionable rise in veganism could leave many of them out of work, claiming Universal Credit, and subsequently draining on the country’s valuable resources.
‘What do you want me to do, all month?’ asked cow, Murial Hislop.
‘Bring on February, and cut my throat – Yeah!’ added Hislop.