Goldfish just piss-board


A goldfish has asked his owner for the phone number of Swiss suicide company Dignitas, after years of senselessly swimming around the same space.

Six-year-old Chinese Shubunkin, Peter Thape has asked his owner to free him several times, claiming that being looked at for a total of 10 seconds a day is simply not a rewarding career.

Thape recently pleaded with his owner for the electric chair, after admitting to killing every other fish that has ever been put in with him.

‘There’s shit-all to do,’ said Goldfish, Thape.

‘I poisoned that dick with the black and white tail fins last year, and jammed a rock in the mouth of that one with the googly eyes. He was a right cock,’ added Goldfish, Thape.