Government solves problem of obese and underweight schoolchildren

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In order to help with the increasing issues of over and underweight children, a Government Minister has suggested keeping young people in moulds to help maintain their shape.

From January, all five year olds will be fitted with a figure hugging mould, which will tighten and expand with much the same effect as a dental brace. The state sponsored solution has been offered by Minister for Children, Peter Thape who despairs at the increasing number of parents who seem unable to feed their offspring correctly.

‘Ideally, we shouldn’t really let stupid people mate, but nobody’s ever going to be brave enough to say that,’ said Thape.

‘Parents need to realise that there is a middle ground between giving your child constant McDonalds, or being so drunk that you don’t feed them for three days.’ Thape added.