‘I can’t stop eating – help me!’ pleads nation


With Friday, Sunday and everyday feeling the same, and no rules in place, the nation is eating shit non-stop.

Local potential heart attack victim, Peter Thape has just had sticky toffee pudding with ice cream for breakfast.

He’ll be having a selection box for lunch, and a takeaway tonight, ‘cause it’s Friday (Apparently).

‘Help me. Help me, please. Phone someone,’ begged Thape.

‘There are 6 massive bars of Dairy Milk just looking at me, over there. Help me,’ he added.