‘I’ll just pull £300 out of my arse for a school uniform,’ say parents

Having thought about it for six weeks, but having done fuck-all, the nation will descend on the school uniform shop today.

The understaffed shop have already decided not to stock the school jumper in children’s sizes, and they will be coming into the shop in October.

Dad, Peter Thape is questioning whether Little Bobby really needs two shirts, after all…‘He can only wear one at a time.’

‘The school says he needs a set square – what will he ever use one of them for?’ asked Thape.

‘It’s all bollocks; it’s all a scam by the school. They’re getting a cut of all this,’ added Thape.