Irish people to stop being named stuff like…Diarmuid and Niamh

Irish people, or more likely an English parent with some loose Irish connection, have been criticised for calling their child some wildly Irish name.

English people, who generally like to feel superior to all other nations, are not enjoying having to pronounce a name that they can’t read or understand.

The new law, that comes into effect on Monday, specifies that people who present with a fancy Irish name will all be known as Gary, or Sharon if a girl.

‘Stop this nonsense with the Irish names, immediately,’ said local man, Peter Thape.

‘The pronunciations aren’t even close to the spellings,’ added Thape.