ISIS applauded for managing not to kill anyone yesterday

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Leading terrorist group, ISIS have been enjoying a day of praise after somehow managing to avoid the open net opportunity of a Royal Wedding and a Cup Final in the same afternoon.

Theresa May sent a basket of fruit and some flowers round to ISIS headquarters last night to thank the award winning terrorists for their restraint in the exceptional circumstances.

ISIS spokesman, Peter Al-Shebab Thape was humble in his acceptance of the praise, admitting that he was pleased that Manchester United had lost, anyway.

‘No problem at all. Glad you all had a lovely day, football fans, and wedding fans alike,’ said Al-Shebab Thape.

‘We’ll see you all again, soon. Very soon,’ added Al-Shebab Thape.