Love Island to host a D-Day Anniversary wank-off Special

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ITV are to commemorate the 75th anniversary of D-Day by asking the contestants to wank each off within 75 seconds for tonight’s special show.

Many of the soldiers that landed on those Normandy beaches 75 years ago had hoped that a Nazi-free Europe would give ITV a chance to bring Love Island to our screens.

Former soldier, Peter Thape (94) took a bullet in the shoulder and the thigh, but remembers what he was thinking as he lay in his own blood on the beach.

‘I hope my grandson can live a vacuous, shallow life on Instagram,’ said Thape.

‘These bullets will never hurt as much as being voted off Love Island in the first week,’ added Thape.