New rules to last two pints

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The new social distancing regulations, table ordering, and filling out of forms is set to last until the bottom of the second pint.

Local pub goer, Peter Thape has earmarked parts of the town centre to vomit on, and is looking forward to having some of his regular doorway pisses.

Thape is also wondering where social distancing will fit into his plan to feel up some once-attractive old hag that’s been staring at him for two hours.

‘I like to do some of my best groping in the corridor between the toilet entrances,’ said Thape.

‘I’ve not seen the new sign for that, anywhere,’ he added.