Postman suddenly getting a bit pally

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The arsehole postman, who hasn’t spoken a word to you for 360 days, has suddenly got friendly, with Christmas coming next week.

Local postman, Peter Thape normally waits around the corner until people have gone out, so he can push his ‘We called while you were out’ card through the door.

But Thape will be spending this week forcing out a smile and an occasional ‘Morning’ in a bid to boost his tip and chocolate box count.

‘I became a postie so I don‘t have to speak to anyone,’ said Thape.

‘Fuck off Cutting News,’ he added.