Shitty JML purchase about to be slid under the bed forever

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The load of wank exercise machine from JML is spending its last few dust-free days on the bedroom carpet before being slid under the bed forever more.

Despite a fairly convincing video advert in Homebase, it now seems unlikely that the girl in the commercial did truly lose 2 stone in the first two weeks of owning the new exercise machine.

After nearly two weeks of use, still-fat local man, Peter Thape must now find a place for the machine under his bed, alongside the hand grip strengtheners, and the plastic weights from Argos.

‘The underside of my bed’s like a gym,’ said Thape.

‘This one folds flat; which is handy,’ added Thape.