Bastard shop staff are getting their kicks from sticking the prices on gifts so hard that you’ll never be able to get it off when you start wrapping.
Embittered, suddenly-busy staff have been working hard at the art of making the price tag as irremovable as possible in preparation for a hectic few weeks.
Local shop employee, Peter Thape has just completed a 48 hour intensive course in sticker adhesion, and feels ready to welcome the hordes of once a year Christmas customers.
‘I get paid the same in December, as I do in June – so go fuck yourself,’ said Thape.
‘Picturing you struggle with the price sticker is where true Christmas pleasure comes from,’ added Thape.