Teachers looking forward to receiving 25 vinegary bottles of wine

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Teachers and children around the country will be pretending to like one another today, as mums offload that shit bottle of wine that’s been sat around for months.

Mums biggest decision of the day will be whether the gift bag, that she’s slung the wine into, is too obviously dog-eared to re-use.

Mums will then remind their child half a dozen times to definitely hand in the wine, and not bring it home again.

‘The gift thing is like another tax,’ said local mum, Murial Hislop.

‘Who can take the risk of their child failing their SATs, though,’ added Hislop.