‘This 6 weeks has taught me never to retire,’ admits man


Local furloughed man, Peter Thape has set a date for his death to avoid the pretence that his retirement will be the twilight of his life.

Thape has spent his working life talking about all the things he’d do, if he ever had a little bit of time off.

But instead Thape has divided his gifted time into wanking and Netflix, taking occasional breaks to eat shit food and chocolate.

‘Have done shit-all in six weeks,’ said Thape.

‘If I retired I’d be dead in 3 months,’ added Thape.