Those unable to open a child safety gate WILL be allowed to procreate


Plans to test the suitability of potential parents, by checking to see if they can successfully open a child stair gate, have been abandoned. 

The government’s new population control initiative had been widely welcomed, and people everywhere were looking forward to taking the fun, but tricky, stair gate challenge prior to mating with one another.

However, Work and Pensions Secretary Peter Thape has called a halt to the proposed legislation after the controlled trial period yielded poor results.

‘The safety gates were harder to open than we thought. Not enough people were passing the test to maintain the population,’ said Thape.

‘Most of the fellas were carrying their balls around in a wheelbarrow by the end of the tests,’ added Thape.