Those who park illegally in disabled parking spaces to be made disabled

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The government is to finally recognise the needs of able-bodied people, who are desperately jealous of those entitled to better parking, by helping them to become disabled.

From January, those illicit parkers who are just popping into the supermarket, will have their spinal cords cut on return to their car, to help them enjoy the disabled space to its fullest potential.

Those who can sense an urge to park illegally can book an operation ahead, thus avoiding the ignominy of a supermarket car park procedure. Peter Thape (31) has chosen to have a disabling operation up front.

‘Them spazzies have got a great deal, only having to wheel a few yards to do their shopping and that,’ said Thape.

‘It’s probably a great laugh pissing into a bag, and having a funny walk,’ added Thape.