White stringy bits banned off bananas

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Bananas face an uncertain future after numerous complaints about the vile stringy bits that embellish their flanks, have finally been recognised.

Random bananas will be stopped, peeled and checked for the worm-like strands from January onwards.  Banana, Peter Thape (3 weeks) has encouraged his fruity friends to strand-up and be proud in a last ditch bid to avoid being eaten.

But other bananas are dubious of Thape, after his last plan to turn brown and mushy lead to wholesale amputations for many bananas at the consumption stage.

‘It’s a survival game out there. Watching people delicately peeling off the stringy bits and retching keeps us in the game,’ admitted banana Thape.

‘I won’t be happy until every kitchen bin has a decaying stringy bit on it, somewhere,’ added the brave banana.