Woodlouse now compulsory on your toilet floor

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The government have confirmed that it is now compulsory to always have a live or recently deceased woodlouse on your bathroom or toilet floor.

The woodlouse prefers to lie on the floor of your downstairs toilet, if you have one, and often on their backs with their little legs in the air.

Minister for Toilet Insects, Peter Thape has additionally confirmed that we should stare at them for ages, wondering if they’re alive or dead, and probably not clear them away for days and days.

‘Ants, spiders, and other shit you should probably kill straight away, but woodlice can be stared at for lengthy periods,’ offered Thape.

‘Kill them if you must, but make sure there’s another one there tomorrow,’ added Thape.