Merry Paedophile Christmas Day everyone!
Children everywhere will be walking the dark streets, and knocking on the doors of strangers tonight, in the gallant pursuit of shitty, inedible, pound-shop sweets.
Local 8 year old, Pete Thape told Cutting News that he’s happy to be bummed for a fun size pack of Maltesers.
‘The only down side is all the Swizzles Matlow stuff,’ said Thape.
‘But if you’ve got proper chocolate, send me your number now – we can do business,’ added Thape.