Aston Villa players fit reinforced underpants on John Terry

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Aston Villa’s players, who are understandably worried about their vulnerable wives, have sewn John Terry into a pair of Kevlar reinforced undies.

Terry will be allowed out of the underpants several times a day for toilet business, but will always be accompanied by at least two Villa players during motions.

Terry has also agreed to be kept in the luggage space under the coach on away games, as part of his new 12 month contract.

‘These undies won’t hold me for long,’ warned Terry.

‘The Villa players won’t be able to watch me for the full year. They’re my wives now,’ added Terry.