Bananas now too expensive to throw at the likes of Cyril Regis

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The nation’s bigots have agreed that modern day racism has moved on from the early days of monkey chants, and throwing bananas at black people.

As football grounds held a minute’s posthumous applause for the wonderful Cyril Regis, football fan Peter Thape (45) looked forward to hating people in cleverer, more subtle ways in the future.

Thape has promised to show his children different ways of quietly discriminating against other creeds and colours, admitting that the throwing of bananas would now be too costly, and lacks any sophistication.

‘It’s a brave new world for racists out there. I’m teaching my children to hate brown people from all over the world, not just footballers,’ said Thape.

‘In 2016 our government gave us an actual referendum on racism – called it Brexit,’ added Thape.