David Moyes to become Grim Reaper’s assistant

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Former football manager, David Moyes has been offered a prestigious role with leading death specialist, The Grim Reaper.

Moyes has been headhunted by Death following a purple patch of destroying everything he has touched for the last four years.

Death has been after Moyes since he first appeared on the front cover of the industry magazine, Death Weekly in 2013, posing with a crow on each shoulder.

‘Moyes is the man of the moment; he has an outstanding whiff of death about him,’ said The Grim Reaper.

‘I’ve never seen a man kill so many dreams in such a space of time – first class!’ added The Grim Reaper.