Footballers to carry mandatory tissues

snotsnot

Footballers will each carry a 10 pack of pocket tissues during the game from this weekend’s fixtures onwards.

The Football Association (FA) have instructed kit suppliers, Adidas and Nike to provide a breast pocket for the tissues.

A break in the play, halfway through each half and sponsored by Kleenex, will be allowed for players to blow their nose, or secrete a greeny into their tissue.

‘Bins will be placed near the half way line and the corner flags,’ said FA spokesman, Peter Thape.

‘Spitting outside of the agreed break will be a yellow card; a nose snort a straight red,’ added Thape.