Rooney dropped from tonight’s Wayne Rooney friendly

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Wayne Rooney will not play in tonight’s Wayne Rooney special international, after England manager, Gareth Southgate finally realised it was a load of shit idea in the first place.

Rooney, now 63, has apologised for somehow becoming England’s greatest goal scorer, without really being rated by anyone since 2006.

Rooney, whose football career got in the way of his original intended life of being a fat angry man in a pub, will be replaced by Joe Cole tonight.

‘Fancied another cap, so I retired yesterday,’ said Joe Cole.

‘Gareth said I can play in the World Cup, instead,’ added Rooney.