United sack trophy winning manager in order to win trophies

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Manchester United have epitomized the madness of the modern football era by rewarding the man who has stopped the post-Ferguson rot with his p-45.

In the style better suited to a six year old, United have been unable to resist the sparkly present of Jose Mourinho, who has been sat, neatly wrapped, in the corner since Christmas. It is rumoured that the Portuguese will sign Pele, Maradona and Cruyff in a bid to restore Champions league glory with immediate effect. Fan, Peter Thape is looking forward to the express ride to greatness.

‘We should give the new guy time to get this right, maybe until August,’ said Thape.

‘It’s been awful since Ferguson left. We’ve not won anything for hours,’ added Thape.